Tuesday, 4 September 2007

It's the appliance of science

Forget the form book. It's science that will win the Rugby World Cup.

You heard it here first. The All Blacks have as much chance of winning the trophy as England have of defending it. Why? Because they'll be wearing the wrong shirts.

So, get your wallet out and bung a few quid on Australia, South Africa, Ireland Scotland and Japan - yes, you read that correctly - because it is these teams and only these teams who are wearing the revolutionary new rugby shirts developed by Canterbury, shirts that have caused such a stir that they have had to be tested and cleared by the World Anti-Doping Agency.

Apparently (and now for the science bit) the material in the shirts reacts with sweat to create a negative ion charge that stimulates blood flow, bringing more energy to the muscles and speeding up the removal of lactic acid. Tests, according to people who know what they are talking about, have shown that the fabric can provide athletes with a huge boost in performance levels, up to 2.7% allegedly. Not only that, but the shirts' development dates back to World War II when Luftwaffe pilots were put into decompression chambers and bombarded with negative ions to enable them to fly longer missions.

So forget the All Blacks' spray on shirts or the abomination that is now the England rugby shirt as those designs are strictly passé. Expect, instead, the New Zealanders to commission Adidas to weave microscopic magnets into the fabric of their shirts to reverse the polarity of the Canterbury shirts and bring the Aussie and Springbok athletes to a grinding halt.

You know it makes sense.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Considering Canterbury is a New Zealand brand (right down to the three kiwis in the Canterbury brand logo that the Irish, Saffers, Australians et al will be wearing on their chests), you have to wonder don't you...