Tuesday, 22 April 2008

They’re out to get you

"Just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean they're not out to get me"...or so the saying goes.

If uninformed rants and outlandish conspiracy theories are what floats your boat then you need look no further than Rugbycan – a blog, of sorts, that rages against rugby officialdom in general and against the English in particular, with an impressive display of vitriol and venom.

The lead protagonist on Rugbycan is a character - possibly real, possibly fictional - called Karl Miffentoff, who for some reason appears to detest all things English and who reserves a particular brand of bilious hatred for the RFU and its “lesbian partner” (!) the IRB.

When I first looked at Rugbycan I assumed that it was all just a bit of a giggle but (and I admit that I may be missing something here) the bile and the vitriol is so sustained and so consistent that I’m beginning to think that this guy might just be serious. I hope I’m wrong on this score but must admit that it arguably makes the blog even funnier than if it was intended as a joke.

Rugbycan’s basic premise is that the RFU and IRB are, essentially, one and the same organisation and that they are involved in a conspiracy to undermine the rest of the rugby world by nefarious means. Some of the more recent claims include:
  • that the RFU have instructed English Premiership clubs to attract as many All Blacks to England as soon as possible in order to weaken the All Blacks;
  • that the RFU have neutralised the threat from Argentina by giving Marcelo Loffreda a job at Leicester and that the Argentinians have been further undermined by having their rugby directed by “Englishman bastard” Les Cusworth;
  • that the RFU have swindled the USA by putting an Australian in charge as coach and “another English bastard” as director of rugby;
  • that the RFU have dictated terms to the Canadians by sticking a New Zealander in charge there; and
  • that, amongst all these dastardly deeds, the French Rugby Federation is somehow the sole bastion of decency in the world of rugby, and should break away from the RFU/IRB to form a new world governing body but has been undermined by its former President Bernard Lapasset turning traitor by joining the IRB.

As I say, these are just some of the ridiculously hilarious claims made on Rugbycan which conveniently ignore certain facts such as:

  • that far from being one and the same, the RFU and the IRB are more often than not at loggerheads (the current dispute being over the proposed introduction of the ELVs);
  • that the English clubs would soon tell the RFU where to go pretty damned quickly if they dared to try to dictate which players the clubs should recruit;
  • that Leicester look likely to fire Loffreda on the basis that he really hasn't been very good; and
  • that for the RFU to be involved in a conspiracy so far reaching that it could insert its chosen people (including Australian and New Zealanders) into positions of influence in the USA, Canada and Argentina, suggests a level of competence within the corridors of Twickenham that, as the Brian Ashton fiasco has demonstrated, has yet to manifest itself in any other of its dealings.

Of course, I can be dismissed by any true conspiracy theorist as merely a pawn of the establishment, spouting out propaganda in an attempt to brainwash the masses and discredit those who have seen the light.

I am, of course, nothing of the sort - I am in fact a member of “The Iluminati” a sinister reptilian group who control both the RFU and the IRB and who are dedicated to the control of all aspects of society.

Mwahaha, Muwhahaha!!!!!!!

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