So, it appears that claims by Monsieur Bastardo that he was assaulted in Wellington at the weekend were a BIG FAT LIE.
In a statement released today through his club, Stade Francais, Bastardo admitted that the assault was one giant porky pie.
"I want to go back on the incidents that occurred in New Zealand," his statement read. "I need to tell the truth to everyone.
"On Saturday evening I went back to the hotel after having drunk too much. I fell into my room, I struck the night table and I cut my cheekbone.
"I was ashamed, I panicked and I thought that I would be expelled from the French team. I told this story thinking that it would pass, but given the scale that it has taken on I want to tell the truth. I did not want to offend my family. I panicked and dug a hole for myself. I want to apologise to the New Zealand Union, the city of Wellington, the French team, the staff, my club, my friends and to all those affected by this story."
Call me a cynic, but the fact that CCTV footage reportedly showed him entering his hotel uninjured in the early hours of Sunday morning may just have something to do with his apparent contrition and compulsion to tell the truth.