John Steele Esq
Rugby Football Union
Dear Mr Steele
I write to apply for the position of Performance Director at the RFU.
I apologise for the tardiness of this application. Having read the job description I had thought that a certain knight of the realm formerly of this parish had the position sewn up. However, given your recent statement to the effect that all that might be required would be someone to make the tea and pop out to Tescos to buy the biscuits (while trying not to upset Martin Johnson), I thought I might as well give it a go.
I should mention that I have none of the attributes listed in the job description. I have never managed elite sports people, nor do I have a successful international coaching record. I am not known for pushing the boundaries or thinking outside the box and have not previously been involved in a successful working relationship with your organisation or with Martin Johnson.
I am, however, a thoroughly decent chap (even if I do say so myself) who is unlikely to rock the boat and who, according to Mrs F, makes a damned fine cuppa.
I attach a copy of my completely inadequate CV and look forward to hearing from you as a matter of urgency. I understand that interviews are to be held on Monday and confirm that I am available.
P.S. Please could you confirm by return whether Martin Johnson likes Jammy Dodgers?