Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Now you see me...

In an extraordinary turn of events, it emerged today that England have decided to dump both its controversial black change kit AND the traditional white kit for the forthcoming Rugby World Cup.

The decision has been taken following an official protest from the New Zealand Rugby Union relating to the black kit and in response to recent reports which suggest that England’s penalty count dips by 25% when they are not wearing their white kit.

Instead, the RFU have commissioned Nike to produce a camouflage kit for use in all matches during the World Cup.

“We’re very excited about the proposed new kit,” claims an RFU insider. “Our scientific advisers assure us that, with the referees more or less unable to see the players, England’s penalty count will be all but eradicated, which gives us a huge advantage going into the tournament.

“Although the colour white has traditionally been worn by England teams, when you think about it our troops have been going into battle wearing khaki for over 100 years, so we believe the shirt will be a fitting tribute to them. If anything it will be even more traditional than the traditional white shirt.”

The connection with the armed forces doesn’t stop there. The new shirt is said to be made from military grade fabric and will be the strongest shirt that Nike have ever produced whilst also providing improved sweat evaporation, enhanced freedom of movement and superior shape retention. The shirt will also work with the body during exertion to provide compression to support muscles and improve circulation and has a unique 4D grip zone on the chest to enhance ball grip.

Initial tests on the kit in training by the England squad, however, have not been a complete success, with players complaining that they have been unable to locate their colleagues when attempting to pass the ball. Unconfirmed reports suggest that this potential drawback has not affected Mike Tindall’s game in the slightest.

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