"Naturally I'm as sick as a parrot", said the corpulent breakaway.
"Admittedly at my age selection for the Test team was perhaps a long shot, but I always felt confident I could play a valuable part as a member of the wider squad.
"I've been holding tackle bags, putting out cones and running the line for Chess Valley Under 14s all season, so to be honest I'm not sure how much more I could have done.
"It's particularly galling having narrowly missed out on selection for the 1983, 1989, 1993, 1997, 2001, 2005, 2009 and 2013 Lions tours.
"I'm beginning to think that my chance may never come."
Warren Gatland was unavailable for comment.