Friday, 11 September 2009

Of Volcanos, Camels and Wolves

Just when we thought we might be able to focus on the rugby again after a summer of scandal, up pops Lesley Vainikolo in the dock at Bristol Crown Court charged with inflicting GBH.

The 17½ stone behemoth, taking a leaf out of the book of Liverpool's Stevie Gerrard, has adopted the failsafe "get your retaliation in first" defence, claiming that he was acting in self defence when, during a night out in downtown Bath, he punched the passive Jake Alicker so hard that he fractured his skull.

The fact, however, that Big Les has confessed to being tanked up on...wait for it...Courvoisier and Coke (ye gods!) probably won't count in his favour, and nor will the fact that he later gave a false name to police, claiming to be Shontayne Hape - his "best friend."

Some friend.

Meanwhile, turning to more serious matters, I'm somewhat gutted that Saracens' plans to stage a camel race as part of the entertainment at Saturday's Premiership Big Day Out against Northampton at Wembley have been vetoed by stadium authorities. The Grauniad confirms that damage to the pitch would have been minimal as, and I quote, "camels are cushion-footed quadrupeds", but Wembley's jobsworths have nevertheless refused permission for "a whole host of reasons" including, it seems, health and safety.

Shame. I was thinking of going but I shan't now.

Speaking of ridiculous races, it's heartwarming to see that no sooner is former England wing Ben Cohen back in the country than he's partaking in in some ludicrous publicity stunt. Now Cohen is no Brian Habana, so racing a cheetah is out of the question, but apparently the lumbering ex-international fancies his chances against a Canadian wolf.

The Canadian wolf in question looks suitably fascinated by the prospect, but my money's on him.

1 comment:

Nursedude said...

I didn't know Vanikolo had a female bodyguard...