Thursday, 28 April 2011

Calm down dears!

I don't know, I go away for a couple of weeks and seemingly all hell breaks loose.

First I read that my favourite orange person is in the process of being fired by Toulon after proving that he has the drinking capacity of small gerbil called Gerald. After allegedly drunkenly slagging off certain esteemed team mates following Toulon's recent victory over Toulouse and earning himself a slap from Aussie scrum half Matt Henjak, the club's president, Mourad Boudjellal, has decided that the artist formerly known as Gavin Church is “difficult to manage.” No shit, Sherlock.

I then noted that another orange Welshman and M4 buggy-meister, Andy Powell, earlier this month managed to get himself suspended by Wasps following a pub brawl with QPR football supporters following which he lost two pints of blood and received 10 stitches in a head wound after being struck by a bar stool. And, to make it a hat-trick for the Welsh, I saw that lock Bradley Davies had been arrested following a fight involving over 30 people outside a Pembrokeshire pub.

Not to be outdone and doing her bit both for her country and for the fairer sex, I read that England under 20 flanker, Kayleigh Callaway-Bawden, was convicted this month of criminal damage and resisting arrest after a cider-fuelled rampage in which she smashed a window and swore and spat at police officers called to arrest her (and, once handcuffed, apparently still tried to ­headbutt the ground!!).

Perhaps I'm feeling a little too chilled following my holiday but, in the words immortalised by Michael Winner and David Cameron, all I can say to each of them is CALM DOWN DEAR!

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